The women of generations predecessors to the present had "the obligation" to be mothers, the woman who did not father children was even repudiated and marginalized. Needless to say, that woman who got pregnant without being married. Still, in our times, when the aforementioned phenomenon arises, some women are manipulated and subjected to marriage. The circumstances mentioned in the past could today be equated with the need to work for certain women and the obstacle that represents a pregnancy, both for them and for their employer (there is no awareness of work-life balance). A deficiency in the labor system that promotes postponement or a low incentive for these women to want to father a child.
At present there are women who assume that their reality and their reason for being goes through not being mothers and deny the biological right of which they are endowed by their feminine condition. They are a still scarce group in our society and although by nature every woman should want to procreate, it is a respectable position that saves frustrated, empty and perhaps sick children in society. Worse are those women who by family, social or conjugal imposition admit to begetting and raising children without wishing or wanting it. These are the kind of mothers and their children that we will discuss next.
- 1 Emotional conflicts and motherhood
- 2 Emotional consequences of the unwanted child
- 3 Types of interaction of a mother with an unwanted child
- 4 Possible psychological problems of the unwanted child
Emotional conflicts and motherhood
Most people want to believe that their mother wanted to father them, that they were born and raised, however, emotional, psychological and in some physical cases, evidences that reality is different, unwanted children and lacking maternal love are more frequent than socially and individually we would like to admit.
The circumstances in which a child is procreated are very diverse and the vicissitudes that the mother is going through turn out to be in certain traumatic circumstances so that she wants to have a child. And even, we would need to repair before the pregnancy itself, because as Bruce H Lipton expresses in this sentence:
“(… ) parents act as genetic engineers with their children during the months prior to conception. ”
It is an expression that states that the unconscious state of the parents determines the conception project and the expectations about their child. For example, if the mother has aborted or lost a child, she unconsciously wants to replace it or in the case we are talking about, if the mother has plans to get a job, she least wants a pregnancy.
Emotional consequences of the unwanted child
The unwanted child develops behaviors and unconscious states that possibly pursue him for the rest of his life. But, if in addition, the mother has tried to abort him without success, the son will carry with him the seal of constant panic to death and for some, with a tendency to show states of anxiety, depression and suicidal instinct, among other sequels.
The mother who does not want her child is a woman "forced" to assume a role she does not yearn for, however, some or many of them, once their child is born they are able to awaken their maternal spirit and begin to love their baby. A fortune that benefits the life process of this offspring, although he will be a son who will constantly seek the acceptance and approval of the mother. This being an attitude that will extrapolate it to the symbolic representations of the "mother" archetype. That is, in friendly, labor or emotional relationships that you associate emotionally with your biological mother.
The voids of an unwanted child can be deepened to the depths of heartbreak and total lack of protection, when the mother denies her nature and the mother's spirit remains numb after the birth of her baby. These are marginalized mothers of the gift of motherhood, disabled to give and receive love. They overprotect in various ways or assume the attitude of neglect with their children.
Types of interaction of a mother with an unwanted child
The mother who does not want her child can become a woman manipulative and controlling who seeks to protect her faults for not wanting her son. They become demanding mothers to the fullest, who seek to fit the children into the ideal mold they conceive as a child, so that they regret not having wanted them and getting to love them. Said mother is critical and severe especially with the woman daughter, with her she rivals and competes as she grows up, which is the land paid for the daughter to develop anorexia or eating disorders. The mother unconsciously projects her frustrations on the daughter and wants to correct them in the figure of her descendant.
Another type of behavior that the mother who does not want or love her children can assume is that of a Overprotective mother Santa characterized by being insecure, fearful, suffered, she exercises control of her children, becoming the martyr, suffers with constancy and is unable to provide them with limits. This woman transmits to her children the image of victim, which in many cultures is approved. This mother also presents two extreme prototypes, the one that suffocates and the one that behaves like an adult girl, the first prototype is that of a supplying mother, to which more, of all the requirements of her children, the asphyxiation, is unable to delegate functions to them, does everything for them, inhibits their autonomy. Turn the children into their appendices, catapulting them towards the degradation of Peter Pan, children trapped in "mom's skirts."
The other prototype is that of a immature mother, taken to the extreme, the woman assumes the girl's behavior. The children will have to distribute - assuming they are several - or assume completely or fairly the maternal functions and do so with two types of behavior: it absorbs their children rampantly, turning them into their appendices or delegating them the functions of mother, reversing the role, is an adult woman-girl. The children of the mother Overprotective Santa are people who from childhood get sick to get attention or feel some affection, insecure, lacking protection and self-esteem.
Possible psychological problems of the unwanted child
When the mother has not wished, nor loved her children, she urges them to an existence with deep voids, unable to intimidate, they obsessively seek approval and their place in the world. They are children with problems of territory, have not been anywhere, they maintain a constant fear of not fitting, they feel inadequate and with little sense of belonging. They acquire a phenotype prone to diseases such as: anorexia, bulimia, fibromyalgia, hypertension, overweight, kidney problems, bunion, knee injuries, infertility, alcoholism, among others and also to accidents, economic bankruptcies, sentimental and labor failure .
The children of these mothers are unable to understand that their emptiness, the constant failures, the feeling of abandonment and even the disease, come from being unwanted and not loved by their parent. To become aware that the mother herself, the one who has loved and needed “more than the air”, the one that she has felt as her reason for being and existing, has not wanted it, wanted and / or loved, is a painful truth and difficult to assume in any aspect of where you look. We live in a society that worships the mother and even veneration, where it is taken for granted that all mothers love their children. There are few people who admit and question the reality that there are mothers who do not love their children and that their own is one of them.
Being unwanted is different from not being loved or loved. The unwanted, but beloved son has fewer sequels than the son who presents both. In any case, these people need to identify and recognize that their unconscious manifests the void, by means of biological rehabilitation through emotional, psychological or physical symptoms. Being the same, the evidence that he is an unloved son, loved or unwanted by his mother.
How to overcome the emotional effects of an unwanted motherhood
Admitting is the first step and the beginning of healing. Releasing the hidden emotion that has been sent to the last corner of the unconscious is the second step. The next is to understand the mother to forgive her and release her obligation to love him. The son needs to part with the need for the mother to love him as he wants. In this way he can detach himself and accept his mother and himself as he is.
Raising awareness is the water that the arid and thirsty hearts of these children need to lead their way and fertilize desired, beloved and beloved children, for there is no greater cruelty than repeating our own misfortune in our descendants.Related tests
- Personality test
- Self-esteem test
- Couple Compatibility Test
- Self-knowledge test
- Friendship test
- Am i in love