If your son or daughter suffers Bullying or you have any suspicion, I hope this article helps you to better understand their behavior in the context and outside of what they live in: school.
Otherwise I recommend you read it equally; since there are more victims of this phenomenon than you can imagine.
- 1 Effects of bullying on harassed behavior
- 2 I have to face it
- 3 Bullying makes me feel bad
- 4 Well, how can I help my son?
Effects of bullying on harassed behavior
In a hostile context, there are different basic coping styles: It should be noted that they are adaptive types of behavior and will serve to address the situation to those who suffer.
But, beware: you have to be careful so that they do not become chronic and become a habit in most situations, as this could lead to emotional and identity instability, a biased interpretation of reality, as well as resignation in their abilities.
I have to face it
The 3 basic styles would be fighting, flight and paralysis. Let's now look at the implications that each of them have:
The struggle It would serve the child to face the event from an active role. The adaptive form would be manifesting the point of disagreement with what he is suffering, be it to the child who harasses him and / or his parents, the class, to the teacher ... Harmful effects would be an aggressive pattern to not only the stalker but The rest of its surroundings.
The escape It is a style of passive coping, in the sense that there will be a distancing on the part of the sufferer from interfering and / or his support group, in order not to suffer future harassment. This can be useful up to a certain point, since if it becomes a generalized behavior it can prevent and hinder the adaptation of the harassed in the class group. One reason for the escape will be biased interpretations: For example: "If I approach the group members, my stalker will disturb me, therefore I will prevent not doing it" by running away from the possible embarrassing situation.
Paralysis it would be the coping style that minimizes expectations versus their abilities, preferring not to intervene, even being in the group, so as not to receive criticism and feeling subject to disabilities due to being evaluated as “the stranger”, forcing themselves to satisfy the rest without prioritizing .
The three possibilities make the person who is being victimized assume that role, which also does not improve their coexistence and ends feeding back the exclusion, self-healing or blaming the rest.
Bullying makes me feel bad
Experiences like Bullying not only mark the way of acting but also of feeling. Predominant emotions in these cases are the rage and fear: two very basic emotions governed by a very primitive system, the limbic system, which does not reflect, only feels.
Regarding rage, it will make him react to the defense, and this in turn will complicate the emotion if he sees that it has no direct effects on the behavior of the “increpador”, and the feeling of hatred can emerge.
On the other hand, when the “victim” is close to the “stalker” there is a high probability that the fear system will be activated, even if there is an absence of intimidation and is a pleasant and profitable context for him. Related symptoms in effect: hyper-alert state, apathy, sadness or hopelessness.
Well, how can I help my son?
I used to talk about three coping styles that are adaptive, and although they are different, the goal is still their own well-being, even if they become harmful. That is why we have to understand them, not judge them and above all protect them.
We can protect them in different ways: some alternatives that can be effective: take him out of the toxic context, in this case the class or directly the school.
But above all, every child needs a person who faithfully believes in him / her and therefore makes him trust himself, promoting his well-being from an optimal environment based on emotional intelligence.
Part of responsibility will also be that you don't lose your social bond with your school peers, as this will act as reinforcement. By this I am referring to expose yourself to those students who suffer for the same and / or those who are part of the class and do accept it.
And above all, keeping the alert with what happens in school without losing connection in what it can influence for good, or is influencing your child for worse.