101 Sarcastic, funny and ironic phrases

101 Sarcastic, funny and ironic phrases

Sarcasm is an art. It is one of those things in life that can only be used correctly when it is truly mastered. Although sarcasm can be fun, we all know that it can also harm many people, so it must be used in context and with the right people.

Today we leave you some of the most famous and famous sarcastic phrases in history, Use them with your head!

Humorous and sarcastic quotes

I must confess that I was born at a very young age. Groucho Marx

The only thing that prevents God from sending a second flood is that the first was useless. Nicolas Chamfort

The most effective laxative in the world is called "we have to talk."

The brain is a wonderful organ. Start working as soon as we get up and it doesn't stop working until you enter the office. Robert Frost

The person asking you to be yourself could not have given you worse advice.

Do you hate your job? Why didn't you say it? There is a support group for that. Everyone is called and they meet at the bar. Drew Carey

Someone who thinks logically provides a great contrast to the world.

I am an expert pretending that the opinion of others matters to me.

You can be anything you want; however, in your case you should aim low.

The experience is something wonderful. It allows you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

Love never starves; Often indigestion. Lenclos Child

I am responsible for what I say, not for you to understand.

If I wanted a penny, I would break my son's piggy bank - if I had a child. Groucho Marx

The happy man is weirder than a white crow. Youthful

If you are one in a million, there are six million people exactly like you.

We all carry a child inside. Some are noticed and others not. José Villasuso

Every time I look at you I have a fierce desire to feel alone. Oscar Levant

Only three sentences can be used to interrupt a woman: 1. I buy it for you. 2. I love you. 3. Yes, I am an idiot.

Marriage is the principal cause of divorce. Groucho Marx

Discussing with a woman is like being attacked by a bear ... It is best to play dead in the hope that she gets bored and leaves.

If you marry you will regret it. If you don't get married, you'll regret it too. Soren Kierkegaard.

If everything seems to be going well, you've obviously missed something.

The jury is made up of twelve people chosen to decide who has the best lawyer. Robert L. Frost

Humor is had or not and is the way to see things clearly. Antonio Mingote

The best motorist is the one who drives with imagination ... imagine that his family goes with him in the car Henry Ford

People appreciate the little things you do for them. And this is how you avoid being asked to do something else.

The man is nothing more than an omnivore who wears pants. Thomas Carlyle

Love has easy entry and difficult exit. Lope de Vega

The modern man is the missing link between the monkeys and the human being.

I'd like to take you seriously, but doing so would offend your intelligence. George Bernard Shaw

He can look like an idiot and act like an idiot. But don't be fooled. He is really an idiot. Groucho Marx

I am not vegetarian because I love animals; I am because I hate plants. Whitney brown

Marriage is trying to solve between two problems that would never have arisen by being alone. Eddy Cantor

Today I fell in love with someone I don't even know, and what have you done to ruin your lives?

There is nothing on earth more difficult to hold than the mouth. Edward Balser

If we could sell our experiences at what they cost us, we would all be millionaires. Abigail Van Buren

Sorry if I call you gentlemen, but I don't know you very well. Groucho Marx

Women are like dolphins: it is scientifically proven that they are too intelligent, but few understand them.

Never waste an opportunity to shut up.

One day you will realize that your children turned out very ugly and you are going to wonder why you did not marry me.

Not that I'm afraid of dying. It's just, I don't want to be there when it happens. Wody allen

There is nothing more difficult, well looked at, than knowing a fool if he is silent. Alonso De Ercilla

The true hero of some literary works is the reader who endures them. Sergio Golworz

I am not young enough to know. Oscar Wilde

The experience is like a comb you get, just when you stay bald. Ringo Bonavena

At no time have I doubted that women are silly. After all, the Almighty created them in the image and likeness of men. George Eliot

I have had a great night. But it was not this. Groucho Marx

Do something productive. Stop being yourself.

Any woman can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand and look stupid. Hedy Lamarr

It is true that I do not love you as much as when we were dating, but I have never liked married women. American proverb

I've talked to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. Rodney Dangerfield

We are specialized in a harmonious repetition of disaster and stupidity. Terenci Moix

These are my principles. If you do not like them, I have others. Groucho Marx

The meeting between procastinadores has been postponed.

To speak obscurely knows what anyone can do, clearly very few do it. Galileo Galilei

There are two types of women: the ugly and the ones that are painted. Oscar Wilde

There are many people who do something when they do something; although it is not exactly what he has to do. Noel Clarasó Serrat

Experience is the disease that offers the least danger of infection. Oliver Girondo

History is like a distillation of gossip. Carlyle

The consequence of not belonging to any party will be that I will bother them all. Lord Byron

Stupidity always insists. Albert camus

One hundred thousand sperm and you were the fastest?

Outside the dog, a book is probably man's best friend, and inside the dog it is probably too dark to read. Groucho Marx

I'm impressed; I have never known such a small mind in such a large head.

Young people think old people are dumb. The old know that the young are. John Lyly

Singles should pay more taxes. It is not fair that some men are happier than others. Oscar Wilde

The perfect time to eat is, for the rich when he feels like it, and for the poor, when he has what. Luis Vélez De Guevara.

The magnitude of the amounts of money seems to vary significantly depending on whether they are to be paid or collected. Aldous Huxley

Death is so sure to catch you, that it leaves you with a life of advantage.

Behind every great man is a great woman. Behind her, is his wife. Groucho Marx

Men cheat more than women; Women, the better. Joaquin Sabina

The best marriage would be the one that reunites a blind woman with a deaf husband. Michel De Montaigne.

There has never been a child so adorable that the mother does not want to put to sleep. R.W. Emerson

Well-understood charity begins with oneself, and usually ends there. Anonymous.

Science is a discipline in which today's fool can exceed the point reached by the genius of the previous generation Max Gluckman

Death has only one pleasant thing: widows. E. Jardiel Poncela.

Don't worry about your heart, it will last a lifetime. Alfred Bach

Optimist is one who believes he can resolve a traffic jam by honking the horn. Anonymous.

I recognize that many of my jokes are very idiots. I admit my share of guilt in the process of idiotizing the country. Jim Carrey.

Surely, there are many reasons for divorces; But the main one is and will be the wedding. Jerry Lewis

The first half of our life is spoiled by our parents; The second our children. Clarence S. Danow

The reason that many portraits are not faithful, is that people when posing, do not strive to resemble their portraits. Salvador Dali

Wisdom comes to us when it no longer serves us. Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

Television has worked wonders for my culture. As soon as someone turns on the television, I go to the library and read a good book. Groucho Marx

Nonsense is the strangest of diseases. The patient never suffers, those who suffer from the disease are the others. Paul Henry Spaak

Life is a sexually transmitted disease.

Women distrust too much of men in general and very little in particular. - Anonymous

The 'Sweet home home' must have been written by a single man.

The only thing in the world worse than one woman is another. Aritophanes

Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is comforting to those who can't remember where we leave things. Frank Zappa

Men build bridges and tend railroads through deserts, and yet they contend successfully that sewing a button is a superior task to them. Heywood broun

I oppose all superstition, whether Muslim, Christian, Jewish or Buddhist. Bertrand Russell