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Why are some of us attracted to certain women while others are not

Why are some of us attracted to certain women while others are not



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Earlier, I was having a discussion with my co-worker. We were talking about the hottest women in Hollywood and we had some different opinions. My co-worker thought that Angelina Jolie was one of the hottest women to walk the planet where-as I never even thought she was pretty.

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure Angelina Jolie is perfectly fine, I've just never found her very attractive.

I've been pondering this question for awhile. What are the psychological differences between us men that cause us to be attracted to different types of women?


I've been pondering this question for awhile. What are the psychological differences between us men that cause us to be attracted to different types of women.

I assume that neither of you actually knows that woman, so the only "type" of person she could be to either of you is an actress (along with her other attributes: mother of 6 children, special envoy for the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR), humanitarian, etc.).

People often put someone on a pedestal for various reasons, and redefine their preferences later.

Perhaps she has done something that your friend admires and that increases his opinion of her, while doing nothing to actually increase her attractiveness.

Wikipedia (another non-expert) has a well thought out webpage and a section on female attractiveness. It lists Jessica Alba as proportional to the most attractive features:

"A study by the University of Toronto found that specific ratios in the female human face correlated with attractiveness. The distance from pupil to pupil was 46% of the distance of the width of the face (from inside edge of ear to inside edge of ear). The distance between midpoint of eyes to midpoint of mouth was 36% of the length of the face from the chin to the hairline. Researchers found that ideal measurements, in proportion to the overall size of the face, were close to the average of all female profiles.".

The website MorphThing has closeups of each of them, and a mock-up of their faces combined:

If you're friend comes back with, "Oh yeah, I didn't mean Angelina Jolie, I meant Jessica Alba" - well that's another thing that happens. I know females whom are better looking than either of them, not as accomplished but 'better looking'.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Both of them are 40 and have a few children from other men, so I'm going to pass. I know females whom appear quite beautiful but make a lot of mistakes, covering for them wouldn't be worth the trouble.

I agree with you that your friend could have picked someone else. The wikipedia link provides many links to various studies as well as mentioning that beyond 'general traits' that opinions differ in different parts of the world.

This question is older than Aphrodite of Milos and Aphrodite of Knidos. So the answer is not "opinion based" the best explanation seems to be that the layperson seems to believe that they can look at facial features and body appearance, from that they can make a judgment about fertility; that being the deciding factor based on genetic selection. I (we) believe that some people are not so skillful as others.


Psychology of Tattoos, Body Piercings and Sexual Activity

The psychology of getting a tattoo or body piercing is an interesting one and takes a certain type of person to do it. First of all you need to make the decision to scar your body on a permanent basis. Hopefully you do this because your body is going to look better afterwards but there are several other reasons why you might get one.

Peer pressure can play a factor. Think of the scenario of lads on holiday all getting the same tattoo for the experience. Or even parental pressure, an 8 year old girl is going to find it hard to say ‘sorry mum but I don’t want my ears punctured’.

But for the most part people get tattoos and piercings because they consider the decoration of their body an art. People also often report getting addicted to getting more and more tattoos and piercings because their inspiration keeps on going.

According to The Harris Poll, 2012, a survey performed on 2,016 adult Americans, on average 21% of people have a tattoo and the age bracket most likely to have a tattoo is 30-39. People without tattoos were questioned on their opinions towards them and 50% stated that they thought people with tattoos were more rebellious.

However of the people with tattoos 30% thought themselves to be more sexy with it and 21% said that they feel more attractive and strong.

The most popular body modification in the U.S is ear piercings at 49% but having a body piercing on another part of the body is far less popular at only 7%.

Although tattoos have been growing in popularity and acceptability over the past few years, its going to take longer for them to overtake ear piercing. Also piercing is accepted at a much younger age whereas 84% of people believe that a person should be between the ages of 18 and 21 before they should get a tattoo without parental consent.


Hoda on men: I like them a little heftier

A new study sheds some light on the subject, revealing that it’s our unique, personal experiences — and not so much our genes, cultural norms, or other factors — that decide our hotness preferences.

So, if you've had a good relationship with a hipster with a beard, you're likely to associate beards as being more attractive because of it.

“We know that we differ in the way we judge attractiveness,” says Laura Germine, a research fellow at Massachusetts General Hospital and an author of the study in Current Biology. “You can’t predict who someone finds attractive based on some characteristic.”

To conduct their study, researchers asked 547 pairs of identical twins and 214 same-sex, non-identical twins to rank the attractiveness of 200 faces. The researchers made sure to study identical twins because they share 100 percent of their genes, meaning that if genes only determined attraction, all the identical twins would have the same response. And while non-identical twins share only 50 percent of their genes, they would share similar family experiences.

Both sets of twins agreed on who was hot (and who was not) only about half of the time.

When researchers set out to learn what accounted for the other half of the time — when the twins disagreed — they found that personal, individual experiences had much to do with different tastes.

“Genetics [were] not contributing to preferences,” Germine says. “The environment seems to be the absolutely predominant factor in shaping individual preferences.”

These findings are surprising to experts in beauty perception who have long believed our genetics decide who we’re attracted to.

“It seems that the environment is the primary determinant of our attractiveness preferences. Much of the field of attractiveness research has suggested our preferences for attractiveness are biological and are therefore likely heritable,” Alex Jones, a post-doctoral research associate at Gettysburg College who is not affiliated with the study, tells TODAY.com via email.

Yet, the researchers learned that genetics does play a role in our perception of attractiveness. Genes account for how people recognize faces—so identical twins may notice symmetry more so than two people who were not identical twins.

“A further important finding here is … our skill in recognizing people is inherited from our parents and genes,” Jones says.

“This is an important contrast because it shows that the role of the environment in developing attractiveness preferences is specific and does not extend to other facets of how we perceive faces.”

Want to see how similarly you and your friends rank attractiveness? Take a test here.


Why Do Some Get COVID And Others Don't? CWRU Experts Looking For Answers

While COVID-19 research has been accelerated across the country, many questions remain about how people become infected with the virus, and why there are different immune responses.

A new Case Western Reserve University study will focus on the household contacts of an infected person, said Dr. Christopher King, who is a researcher and pathologist at CWRU.

The researchers are hoping to study why some people get infected with COVID-19 after being exposed, while others do not, he said.

“There’s not a lot of studies out there looking at that, and why, in some households, does everybody seem to get it, in other ones only some people get it, in others none get it?” King said.

Researchers will first identify people in Northeast Ohio who test positive for the virus, specifically recruiting patients tested before going in for a procedure at a hospital, or who contacted their doctor about experiencing COVID-19 symptoms and were referred to a testing site, he said

They hope to discover if participants develop antibodies, or if their bodies have a different kind of immune response, he added.

“What is it that makes some of us susceptible to infection, and some of us not? And for those of us that become infected, why do some of us go on and develop a strong immune response … and why do some of us come on and develop a severe disease?” King said.

“That may have to do with some of the very early events of exposure that make a difference," he said.

From there, researchers will study the members of a patient’s immediate household to see who gets infected – and why.

Participants will collect samples from their saliva and upper airways so that their immune response can be examined, he said. For safety reasons, much of the study will be conducted through telemedicine, and participants will self-collect many of their samples from home, he said.

Researchers will also ask the participants questions about behaviors that may have led to family members getting infected.

Household members that do not become infected are a crucial part of the research as well, King said.

“What is it about them – what is it the nature of their behavior that prevents them from getting it. What is the nature of their immune response that prevents them from getting it? That’s really the exciting part."

Those that do become infected will be connected with resources for monitoring and treatment, he added.

If participants need to come onsite for blood testing, which could help researchers know whether a person has developed COVID-19 antibodies, researchers will utilize outdoor research pods and personal protective equipment already set up at University Hospitals, King said.

This study is being funded through a multi-million dollar grant from the National Institutes of Health and National Cancer Institute, as part of a larger network of COVID-19 immunity studies.

It is awaiting regulatory approval, and they hope to start recruiting participants next month, King said.


Why Is Physical Attractiveness So Important?

You might find yourself wondering why people find physical attractiveness so important when it seems to say so little about what the person is really like as a person. If beauty is really only “skin deep,” as the proverb goes, why are we so concerned with it?

One reason that we like attractive people is because they are rewarding. We like being around attractive people because they are enjoyable to look at and because being with them makes us feel good about ourselves. Attractiveness can imply high status, and we naturally like being around people who have it. Furthermore, the positive features of attractive people tend to “rub off” on those around them as a result of associational learning (Sigall & Landy, 1973).

As we touched on earlier in our discussion of the what is beautiful is good heuristic, we may also like attractive people because they are seen as better friends and partners. Physically more attractive people are seen as more dominant, sexually warm, mentally healthy, intelligent, and socially skilled than are physically less attractive people (Eagly, Ashmore, Makhijani, & Longo, 1991). These assumptions about the internal qualities of attractive people also show some cross-cultural consistency. For example, individuals from Eastern and Western cultures tend to agree that attractiveness signifies qualities like sociability and popularity. On the other hand, there is some evidence that those from collectivistic cultures, which stress interdependence, tend to equate attractiveness with traits related to concern for others than those from more independently oriented, individualistic cultures (Wheeler & Kim, 1997). The opposite was found in regards to traits stressing independence.

One outcome of favorable evaluations of and behaviors toward attractive people is that they receive many social benefits from others. Attractive people are given better grades on essay exams, are more successful on job interviews, and receive lighter sentences in court judgments in comparison with their less attractive counterparts (Hosoda, Stone-Romero, & Coats, 2003). We are all of course aware of the physical attractiveness stereotype and make use of it when we can. We try to look our best on dates, at job interviews, and (not necessary, we hope!) for court appearances.

As with many stereotypes, there may be some truth to the what is beautiful is good stereotype. Research has found at least some evidence for the idea that attractive people are actually more sociable, more popular, and less lonely compared with less attractive individuals (Diener, Wolsic, & Fujita, 1995). These results are probably partly the result of self-fulfilling prophecies. Because people expect attractive others to be friendly and warm, and because they want to be around them, they treat attractive people more positively than they do unattractive people. In the end, this may lead attractive people to develop these positive characteristics (Zebrowitz, Andreoletti, Collins, Lee, & Blumenthal, 1998). However, as with most stereotypes, our expectations about the different characteristics of attractive and unattractive individuals are much stronger than the real differences between them.


10 types of emotionally stunted men to avoid

(The Frisky) -- Let's face it -- we've all got issues and sometimes need multiple attempts to surmount emotional obstacles. But some of us are better at dealing with them than others and, we argue, women are often better at working through emotional problems than men.

In the last few years of dating, we've come across 10 types of "emotionally stunted" guys -- adult men who may otherwise be awesome but for some reason never matured emotionally.

These dudes are stuck in emotional "playpens" preventing them from forming healthy (and intimate) adult relationships and where the women in their lives are in the position of either pushing them around like toddlers in a baby carriage or screaming "Get up and walk on your own!" before heading out the door.

Usually, emotional immaturity isn't obvious right away. In the first few weeks and months of dating, as our best selves are presented, we've found ourselves thinking, Finally, a guy who isn't emotionally stunted! He's a MAN -- not a man-CHILD! But at some point, the curtain is pulled back just like in the "Wizard of Oz" and, yup, his emotional issues are right there.

Don't get us wrong: Women can be emotionally stunted too. But we have found that the emotionally stunted man-child will have one of two (immature) responses when the issue is brought to his attention:

1. "Nuh uh! I'm not emotionally stunted! You're the one with the problem, meanie!"

2. "This is who I am and I like being this way. Take it or leave it!"

To which we reply, "Smell ya later." And so should you. Here is our roundup of the top 10 types of emotionally stunted men (often seen in combination), the kind of women they're after, and what they need more than you coddling them a second longer.

1. The Addict: Oy. Where to begin. Here's the important thing to remember: The Addict will ALWAYS be looking for a high. ALWAYS. Even if he is sober from drugs/alcohol/gambling/food, if he hasn't done "the work," he may get hooked on you.

The woman he wants: Someone who gets him high. He's looking for a feeling. Maybe it's the married woman, his crush from high school he never thought he would get, or the ex he dumped years ago. It's all about the thrill for him. And once that thrill wears off . he's jonesing for the next.

What he really needs: To work through his co-dependency issues and learn how to cope with life on his own before involving anyone else.

2. The Mama's Boy: The most important relationship a guy can have is with his mother. That's why it's bad news if that relationship has gone wrong in some way. The Mama's Boy compares all women to his mother. Whether he hates her or is obsessed with her, he is blind to the fact that he is replaying his relationship with his mom with every woman he gets involved with.

The woman he wants: Someone who is exactly like his mother or exactly the opposite, depending on the nature of the dysfunction. If his mom was coddling and overprotective, he may want you to change his diaper and wipe his nose. If his mother abandoned him, he may be looking for a clingy lady. If his mother expected him to be "the man of the family," he may be looking for a woman who is helpless and needs taking care of. You get the picture.

What he really needs: To realize that you are NOT his mother. And, more importantly, to understand the relationship dynamic with his mother. If he has issues to work out with her, he needs to do it before he invites another woman into his life.

3. The Flounderer: He's unhappy in his career, either because he hasn't advanced as much as he thought he would have or it's not what he wants to be doing, period.

The woman he wants: Someone to motivate him and stroke his ego all the time because he's not getting that kind of love in the workplace.

What he really needs: To go after what he wants hard and on his own initiative instead of whining to you about it all the time

4. The Insecure Narcissist: Initially, this gentleman comes off as exceedingly confident -- he thinks he's the best at his job, takes good care of his appearance, and is often the life of the party. But he also cannot take a joke at his expense, overstates how successful he is, and is never happy for anyone who's doing "better" than him -- including the woman he's with.

The woman he wants: Someone who won't ever challenge him or give him grief, even as a joke. If she does, he'll find her insecurities and go at them with a hacksaw, so she's brought down to his level, making him feel better about himself in comparison.

What he really needs: To stop pretending like he's God's gift to the world and be OK being vulnerable, and realize that he's not fooling anyone with that act anyway.

5. The Career Obsessive: Here's the thing about dudes: They are not all that great at multi-tasking, but The Career Obsessive is the worst of the lot. His sole goal in life is to rise to the top and it's not until he gets there that he'll actually be emotionally available.

The woman he wants: Someone who understands that being successful is the most important thing in the world -- so long as SHE is not more successful than him -- and will reward his hard work in the office with sexual favors at home whenever he's got a spare moment. The opposite of The Hero [see No. 6 below], he wants someone who does not need him emotionally at all.

What he really needs: To realize that a fulfilling life is all about balance and an amazing career doesn't keep you warm at night.

6. The Hero: He loves to date a basket case, a woman who's got many issues for him to help her overcome -- but that's only so he can avoid dealing with his own. Once she's more stable, the skeletons in his emotional closet emerge and he has to find someone new to save instead.

The woman he wants: A woman who "needs" him and makes him feel strong, capable, manly, and, most of all, NOT CRAZY in comparison.

What he really needs: To find a therapist who can hold up a mirror and show him that his own problems should take top priority.

7. The Tragic Tom: Tragedy has befallen him and he hasn't been able to recover. While being sympathetic to this guy's plight is understandable, trying to save him is a waste of time.

The woman he wants: A woman who will see his gooey marshmallow center underneath that hardened edge and will exhaust herself trying to save him from himself.

What he really needs: To gain perspective and to learn, on his own, that bad things happen to everyone in some form and the best you can do is move forward in your life with lessons learned.

8. The Commitment Phobe: This guy pretends to be happy on his own, living large as a bachelor, just like his hero George Clooney, but he's actually just terrified of letting a woman get to know the real him.

The woman he wants: Someone who will never expect their relationship to evolve past the casually dating stage, who will never expect to meet his parents or even necessarily his friends, and won't want to talk about pesky things like feeeeelings.

What he really needs: To face his insecurities head on, so he can figure out what he's so scared of showing to other people and to get over it.

9. The Eternally Brokenhearted: He hasn't gotten over the chick who broke his heart and he holds what she did against every other woman he dates in subtle ways.

The woman he wants: Someone who reinforces his anger at his ex by committing the same "sins" she did. That way he can punish her for his ex's actions. Unfortunately for both of them, he'll never be able to work through his anger completely with that kind of black-and-white attitude in which he's the sole victim.

What he really needs: To find closure with the woman who "wronged him," but not necessarily through confrontation. Rather, he needs to look at the demise of the relationship objectively so he's forced to acknowledge his role and can move forward in a new relationship with no (or minimal) baggage.

10. The Eeyore: Thanks for noticing him, the dull, pathetic, dude in the corner who is not actually dull and pathetic. He just has the worst attitude of all time. He's always whining about something. Every day is a bad day. Nothing ever works out for him. Everything seems completely impossible to The Eeyore, which makes being around him unbearable.

The woman he wants: His own personal Pooh Bear. That special someone who will be his personal cheerleader and spend all of her time trying to get him to look on the bright side even though he is completely incapable of seeing life that way.

What he really needs: To stop feeling sorry for himself and take responsibility for what happens in his life. The sooner he realizes that life is what you make it, the sooner he'll have some much-needed company in his bed.


Extroverts tend to be happier even in the countries where introversion is more respected

“The less eye contact these groups have with an individual, the more respect they show.”

Despite these cultural differences, Sun says the research seems to show that extroverts tend to be happier even in the countries where introversion is more respected but the degree of happiness is less marked in those countries.

So while research suggests that extroverts end up being happier wherever they may be in the world, being introverted isn’t necessarily negative – any more than being outgoing is always positive.

“Don’t think of introversion as something to be cured”, Susan Cain writes in her book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking. “There's zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas.”


I'm a young girl attracted to older men

Okay, I am a 17 year old girl. Since I was about 14 I have only been attracted to older men. And I mean older. 40-60's. I don't find a single guy around my age attractive at all and I haven't in forever. At school the only crushes I have developed have been for my teachers. I grew up a fatherless child and was wondering if maybe that's why I have this problem? I mean there's got to be some reason right? If anyone can help me get some answers it would be greatly appreciated.

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009):

A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009):

A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009):

A female reader, SinaLovesMark +, writes (4 December 2009):

i've always been atracted to older men and i totally love grey hair XD some of my friends say i have a father complex coz i've lived with alone with my mom since i was like 4 but in my opinion age doesn't matter if you're in love with someone. it's just a number.

so if there's an older man and you like him. hell go for it girl!

i'm glad that i'm not the only one liking older men :D

A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009):

A female reader, aspr221 +, writes (22 October 2009):

aspr221 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

A reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009):

A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009):

A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009):

I'm young but I have always been attracted to much older men, even though my friends would laugh at me for it.

Everyone in these posts have really given me hope.

A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2009):

A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2009):

the other day and he asked me about boys. Is that a sign he is interested? Well, I have been attracted to older guys ever since. I don't care for guys my age. They're immature :/ Oh, and I do have a very loving father so I don't think it has anything to do with that.

I wish I could be with someone older but my parents would never approve of it.

A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009):

A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2009):

A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009):

A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009):

I think we just like older men because they are dependable and more mature than guys our age. I think it's supposed to be normal. Right?

A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2009):

My dad also died when I was 13 and almost an exact year later I met this guy. I'm sure that there must be some kind of connection to father figures and this older men relationship thing.

A reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009):

Age differencce is a beautiful thing :)

A male reader, old man +, writes (16 August 2009):

In many Asian countries today the young women feel the same way you do and it is common practice for younger women to mate with and marry older men. Older men are believed to be stable, secure, trustworthy, and wiser than younger men and younger women are desired for their ability to reproduce and raise the children to adulthood after the father has passed on, not to mention they are very attractive and desirable.

Four to five hundred years ago it was common practice throughout the world. In fact it has only been in the last couple of hundred years that the practice of mating and marrying closer to your own age has become so wide spread in the US and some other countries. Many kings took younger women as their queens or concubines and even in the bible there are references to some of the men taking young brides.

Check out some of the Asian dating websites and you will see many, many young women seeking older men, particularly in the Philippines, in Thailand, and inViet Nam.

Personally I think it is a shame that people are made to feel that there is something wrong with them for feeling something that is perfectly natural.

Those who study human/animal behaviors will tell you that mother nature has endowed men and women with this natural desire/attraction for this older/younger relationships. it is her way of keeping the world populated with human beings sense the man is able to reproduce all the way up until the day he dies while the woman can not reproduce after menopause. It is also a well established fact that young women mature much faster than young men and are thus ready for the responsibilities of relationships, marriage, and child rearing long before younger men are. Young men need to “sow their wild oats” and are not ready for these responsibilities until long after the young woman have been ready.

A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009):

im in the same situation, i only seem to be attracted to much older men who are at least 35 lol

i was always very close with my dad, he was a wonderful man, and i always liked guys who reminded me of him. sadly he died when i was 14 and that made the problem of liking older men even worse. i always go for men who are almost impossible to have a relationship with because of the huge age gap but i just cant seem to help myself, its almost like being with an older bloke is the closest i can get to having a father figure around again. lol i know that sounds bit twisted but yeh, plus older guys tend to be more mature, not to mention experienced :P

A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2009):

Now I'm attracted to (and want to begin actively pursuing) a charming, sweet 39-year-old.

I'm nervous and I have to be more careful than I normally would because of the 19 year age difference, just so I can find out what he's like, but I do worry about my parents and what they would think.

I guess I'll just have to take it slow and all in stride..and see what happens!

A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009):

A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009):

a lot of you on here wrote how your guy is great, not in it for the sex, etc. but a lot of my crushes are mostly sexual fixations. i couldn't see myself in a relationship with them, and as horrible as it sounds - i just wanna fuck 'em :)

i think someone mentioned their doctor, sometimes going to my hot dentist can be hell..

and im glad im not the only Alan Rickman fan here. god that man is just too goddamn sexy for his own good. if i ever met him i dont think i could keep my hands off. haha :D

A reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2009):

A male reader, 0848OpsChf +, writes (17 April 2009):

That was the best 3 months of my life she taught me things that I would have never learned in a life time. She taught me how to be mature and what a woman really wanted. I cherish that time and always brings a smile to my face thinking about it. Everyone has the ability to make choice sin their lives just make sure it is really what you want.

A reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009):

A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009):

but to all the girls out there that are attracted to older men..you have to be careful and make sure that the man is not trying to take advantage of you. but if you meet someone older and you want to put the effort into the relationship, go for it. it's not easy, people are very judgemental(i moved out of my parents' so i can be with him because they can't accept him). good luck to all of you :)

A female reader, candycrucifix13 +, writes (12 April 2009):

A female reader, Lovesouthernmen +, writes (18 January 2009):

I know how you feel on being attracted to older men. I'm not sure about the father situation since I've never been fatherless except when I was little and things like that. I don't find this a problem at all. Boy! I thought I was alone when it comes to being attracted to older men. Some older men aren't gentlemen so you have to be real careful. But, others are.

Not all older men are perverts and such. In fact, the man I'm currently in a long distance relationship with is kind, caring, loving, and very very respectful. He's from Alabama. I believe allot of men our age are too immature so, I think that's why us women have this attraction towards older men. At first, I thought being with someone older was okward but, when you're with them, it doesn't seem all that bad. If you really like a person, you can stick with that person. Just as long as you're happy.

I don't understand why society has to view this particular topic okward but, in my opinion, people love to stereotype, and discriminate. Just follow your heart.

A female reader, jazzi_girl +, writes (31 December 2008):

I dont think its weird, i just think young immature guys just dont do it for many young women.

A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008):

A female reader, Chrissy63 +, writes (9 December 2008):

A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2008):

You have to make sure that your incontrol. Your a woman You'lll find a way.

A reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2008):

A female reader, Anthro +, writes (3 August 2008):

As to the father thing, I'm not sure. I mean I stopped speaking to my father when I was about 12, for valid reasons, but I have always even when I was younger liked the idea of an older man. Though haven't yet been able to express that desire.

So in conclusion I agree with just about everyone on the forum, it's perfectly normal to be attracted and have relationships with older men, as long as it's consensual (like with any relationship).

A reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2008):

Being a man in my 50s, if a 17 or 18 year old girl was attracted to me, I would treat her like a queen and be very affectionate, loving and supportive of her. You should know that there are men like me out here who really appreciate sweet, beautiful girls, (young women, really) like you and would shower with you with lots of love and affection if we were lucky enough to have a relationship with a teenage girl.

And to the 40 year old guy who posted about 16 year old girls asking him to take him home, don't look a gift horse in the mouth! If these girls want to get in bed with, then give them what they want! Just make them promise not to tell anyone so you won't get arrested, or just date 17 or 18 year old girls, whichever age is the age of consent where you live.

A reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008):

I believe that the lack of a 'father figure' in my life had something to do with this, as although my parents are happily married, I was sent to boarding school at a pretty early age, and I really think this gave me a pretty f***** up view of life.

My school was an all girls school, and had mostly female teachers, so there weren't many men with whom I had contact, apart from the couple of male teachers employed (it was with one of these teachers that I became 'involved'). Also, because my school was several hours away from home, I only ever really went home in the holidays, and thus didn't see my father very often at all.

A reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008):

Also, thank you to the anonymous female who posted about men who aren't bothered by the age difference and aren't leches. You are right, there are men like that out there, and I am one of them. I am always very sweet and loving toward the women I've been lucky enough to have relationships with. And I would definitely be that way with a young woman in her in very late teens or early 20s. Every once in a while I get admiring glances from women who are 30 years younger than me (I'm 51) and I am always very flattered when that happens.

So just know that there are older men out there who would love and cherish a much younger woman, who wouldn't mind the age difference, and are not perverts or leches.

A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008):

I do a lot of theater and have been doing this for a long time, so I'm mostly around people much older than myself. Because of this environment, you tend to get to know them in a more adult setting, making you more mature yourself.

The age gap always seems an issue, and it's tough to find someone who a) doesn't mind, and b) isn't a letch. But they are out there.

It's unfortunate that there is such a taboo on younger women dating older men because I think a lot of successful relationships could result. I suppose I shall just have to wait until I turn eighteen.

A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2008):

A male reader, oldfool +, writes (7 June 2008):

The only caveat is, don't go poaching married men. They are probably the most attractive mature men of all, but that's no excuse for stealing them from their wives.

A female reader, aspr221 +, writes (7 June 2008):

aspr221 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

A female reader, aspr221 +, writes (7 June 2008):

aspr221 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008):

A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008):

A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008):

While true some men may be perverts or dirty old men, that's not always the case.I was always called "ugly" by my own a-hole of a father. You hear "ugly" EVERYDAY you believe it.

Believing it(wrong or right)means I shied away from asking girls out. Never had a girlfriend. hell! First time I went to see a prostitute and had sex was when I was 32 years old. Wasn't enjoyable because I longed for a relationship.

13 years later have not gone to any other prostitute(that one experience turned me off from it)but also still haven't asked any girl out. As much as I try to forget anytime I want to ask her out the voice "you're ugly" comes back to haunt me. I've tried blocking it trust me!

But I do find I'm much happier when surrounded by a female from 18 and to mid-20s. I used to work with many females in that age group before I left for another job. Guess their happiness and fun reminds me of all the stuff I never had. Besides they made me feel handsome for a few seconds.

So you see not all men are dirty old men. Don't be too quick to judge if you think all 45-year-olds want sex from the younger ones. NOPE! I'd be happy just chatting at the local coffee shop or going to a rock concert or other event. I have so much to catch up on. And can live my life through them(if I ever decide to ask--though not shy as used to be still am somewhat around females).


Why some people are good looking - and others are plain ugly

Scientists say they have discovered why some people are good looking while others turn out ugly.

A 10-year study has revealed that some people have less efficient 'repair kits' in their DNA.

Charles Darwin's theories of evolution say attractive females should select the more attractive males and good genes should spread through the population over time to the point where males all become equally good-looking.

The fact that all men aren't hunks like Brad Pitt or George Clooney is used by opponents of evolution as an argument that Darwin's theories are fundamentally flawed.

But now a team of researchers at Newcastle University has found a way of explaining the so called 'lek paradox.'

Research published by Professor Marion Petrie and Dr Gilbert Roberts explains why the human race isn't uniformly gorgeous.

Professor Petrie said: "It's much easier to think of it in terms of peacocks.

"You have a system in peacocks where males go around looking attractive and those that have the biggest and best tails get the most attractive females.

"Evolution would suggest that over time all peacocks would look the same because those good genes would spread through the population.

"But that doesn't happen and instead you get generation after generation with big tails and short tails, the choice doesn't disappear.

"What we've done is come up with a theoretical explanation for that."

Professor Petrie says that since mutations can occur anywhere in an animal's genetic make-up, some will affect the DNA repair kit possessed by all cells.

As a result, some individuals have less efficient repair kits, resulting in greater variation in their DNA as damage goes unrepaired.

Using a computer model to map the spread of genes in a population, Professor Petrie demonstrated DNA mutations outweigh the effects of sexual selection.

Professor Petrie and colleagues have shown that men with better genes for fighting off disease - and therefore better prospects of passing disease resistance to their offspring - had a number of physical features which women found attractive.

The research involved testing men for genetic diversity and showing photographs of them to women, who allocated scores for attractiveness.


Date only the marrying kind

To dramatically increase your chances of marrying you must seek out and date the marrying kind.

Statistical Truths About the Marrying Kind

  • Most men will not even consider marriage before they reach the age of commitment. For 80 percent of high school graduates, the minimum age of commitment is 23, whereas for 80 percent of college graduates, it’s 26.
  • The high-commitment period for most college-educated men is from ages 28 to 33.
  • For men who go to graduate school-doctors, lawyers, and the like-the high-commitment period runs from 30 to 36.
  • After age 37 or 38, the chance that a man will commit diminishes. After 43, it diminishes even more.
  • Most men think sowing their wild oats is a rite of passage and will not even contemplate marriage until they have been working and living as independent adults for several years.
  • Men are most likely to marry after they become uncomfortable with the singles scene.
  • Men have biological clocks. They want to be young enough to teach their sons to fish and play ball, and to do the male-bonding thing.
  • Men who look at marriage as a financial arrangement in which women have the most to gain are not likely to marry-nor are they good prospects. Run. Fast. Men whose parents divorced when they were young are often gun-shy about marrying.
  • Men often marry women whose backgrounds — religion, politics, values, socioeconomic status matches theirs.
  • Men who have their own places and have lived as independent, self-supporting adults are more likely to marry.
  • Men whose friends and siblings are married are more likely to marry.
  • If a man over the age of 40 has been married before, he is more likely to marry than a 40-year-old man who has never been married.
  • If you wish to facilitate a trip to the altar, meet and date only the marrying kind!

Excerpted from “Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others” by John T. Molloy. Copyright © 2003 by John T. Molloy. Published bt Time-Warner Books. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt can be used without permission of the publisher.