Maternity is a function that responds to a biological need related to the instinct of conservation of the species. Mothers respond to their role according to the development of their experience, which is fed by the emotional inheritance passed on by their ancestors and the model received from their parents, both in the gestational and formative period. Due to the above, much of the basis of expression of their maternal function is unconscious. Reason that drifts many mothers and leaves them in a sea of doubts, insecurities and attitudes that leave her in an inhospitable and desolate place.
For what has been said and despite the great preparation that is had to play the role of mother, it is common for women to become disoriented and act without awareness, subject to consequences on her children, incomprehensible to her. The mother needs to recognize, first of all, her behavior. This is the rationale for sharing this article.
Next, I explain the types of behavioral disorders that mothers can show when they fulfill their function. It is important to clarify that the main function of a mother is none other than, deliver children who contribute to society and for this it is essential that said beings be independent, autonomous and mature; some virtues that are lacking precisely the children of the types of mother that I am going to comment on. To identify these disorders, we will take some contributions from the book that I refer in the end.
- 1 overprotective mother
- 2 Mother Santa-overprotective
- 3 The Provider child
- 4 Father's influence on this conjunction
This mother has two ways of overprotecting her children.: one is behave as a victim and the other as a dictator, both are ways to manipulate to achieve what you want and avoid impotence both to love them and to meet other needs.
Mother victim We call it this way "the Holy One", since the archetypal woman-mother who has been infused especially in Catholicism, is that of the Virgin Mary or other saints. The model corresponds to the of a woman suffered, sad and always sacrificed, it is a woman who retains her feminine energy, but acquires extreme behaviors such as becoming a martyr, subdued and supported, this profile fits our ANTIGONE archetype when she is a mother.
The other overprotective mother, "the Dictator", is an archetype of a woman who develops a masculine high, acquires a role of: tyrant, tax, dominant and in some cases abusive. The behavior is strengthened when the father (her husband) is negligent, with a tall female or does not exist.
Let's detail in the relationship of these two archetypes with their children:
This mother is characterized by: having low self-esteem, being insecure, dull, fearful, suffered, she exercises control of her children, becoming the martyr, suffers with constancy and is unable to provide limits. This woman transmits to her children the image of a victim, which in many cultures is approved, especially those that worship the "Virgin Mary", is an admired and revered role. This mother also presents two extreme prototypes, the first is that of a supplying mother, to whom, of all the requirements of her children, the asphyxiation, is unable to delegate functions in them, does everything for them, inhibits their autonomy . A mother who turns the children into her appendages, catapulting them towards the degradation of PETER PAN, children trapped in “mom's skirts”. The other prototype is that of an immature mother, taken to the extreme, the woman assumes the girl's behavior. The children will have to distribute - assuming they are several - or assume full or medium maternal functions. The most susceptible to this is the woman daughter, since her maternal predisposition will induce her to replace her mother, becoming an ANTIGONE or mother-child. It will be unlikely that this adult daughter can relate to a man to form a home, since she already has one to take care of.
Concluding: the "holy" mother promotes in her daughters the acquisition of a degradation such as PETER PAN, when she becomes an appendix, and of an ANTIGONE when it is she who behaves like a PETER PAN.
Mother holy as we saw, it affects two ways: one is controlling through victimhood, forming both children who supply their needs and appendices, and the other is behaving as an equal (sister), bone one mother-girl, in which case the children, according to their character, replace this negligence to survive emotionally in the family, acquiring roles that fill the role that their mother does not fulfill. Of this overprotective mother, be she a victim or mother-girl, children emerge with a clear predisposition to acquire as hidden spouse his mother, if it is a child PETER PAN, this will be possessed by his mother, unable to separate physically and emotionally, although we can not talk exactly that she is his hidden spouse, since the demand for this child is from a mother, however, for the purposes it is equivalent. However, the complementary combination is raised when the child acquires the role of “provider” and protector of the mother, in this case she is his emotional spouse. Although for the consequences it is the same: both the son PETER PAN and the Supplier they have as a supplier of the integrity To his mother, the difference is in behavior. For both types of child, the relationships will become sporadic and exclusively sexual.
From the psychological point of view, this behavior could be related to the “Oedipus complex”, Which is a stage that according to Freud It occurs in children between 4 and 7 years of age, is when the son "falls in love" with his mother and sees his father as a rival to win, which naturally fades, past this age. However, we are talking about a son who, in addition to not having overcome this complex, acquires roles that do not correspond to him, as a consequence of a mother with great behavioral disorders, which accentuates his inability to develop maritally and usually acquires his mother as emotional spouse.
Let's look at the behavioral possibilities of children:
The provider son
This is a man who from a young age is his mother's partner, a typical ANTIGONE in male version, a sacrifice. This child begins to mature early, is serious, responsible, speaks and acts like a man being a child, little by little he takes care of the mother and the brothers, hence the firstborn is more likely to play that role, as an example let's take Hector, the older brother of Lucy, in the last case that we have exposed. He, once the father dies, assumes his role and although he depended sickly on his mother (Angela), like the other children, he assumes the function of "being the economic and emotional provider" of his mother. " Hector he becomes the supplier of his mother's masculine needs, he knew his ailments, his requirements, his tastes, feelings, secrets and he bought even the intimate clothes; every time she called him, he came hurriedly, his decisions were made in full agreement with Angela. He also guided, rebuked, censured and advised his brothers. The son provider He is currently single, as in this case, remember that Hector He had turned 40, he was the only one of the male children, without offspring and had never married or had a marital relationship, his relationships were sporadic, despite being an attractive, interesting, hardworking and honest man. Hector He was sentenced to end up next to his mother, perhaps sentenced until the death of Angela, which would perhaps be the only thing that would move him to look for a woman: to feel loneliness.
The Provider He is a difficult man to commit, elusive, an eternal boyfriend, if he decides to marry he will do so at an age greater than 35, they are usually excellent parents (when they part with brothers), but they suspend as spouses. He often has several divorces or separations, he is unable to satisfy his wife. He is the man who needs the constant approval of his mother, the wife or girlfriend is chosen by his mother. If he manages to have a family of his own, he seeks to clone his original family into the current family, constantly remembering what his mother said and did when he was a child, with special sadness. He usually lacks emotional commitment to his wife, usually a DIONISOS.
It is the typical PETER PAN we have talked about, annulled. Their behavior is similar to that of the appendix daughter; he avoids responsibilities, is unproductive, useless, decimated in his personal and social value. You can physically stand out in him, his face, body or child tone of voice, labor is unstable, he will look for an activity related to children and even in extreme cases he can get to relate to them in a sexual and emotional way (since his world is the childish). Evade your economic, labor and sentimental responsibilities. For this reason he is unable to form his own family, and if he succeeds, he looks for a woman of the same model as his mother, delegating his responsibilities to others.
This type of man, more than a wife, requires a mother. Why your emotional spouse It's really a mom. In the other women, she will look for sex, fun or company. He is the typical son who opts for drugs, alcohol or any other vice. In many homes it is the black sheep; logically, except for her mother, she avoids seeing reality. Some children of this type, after the death or absence of their mother, can reach suicide.
Father's influence on this conjunction
The father in these cases is generally absent, either by death, divorce or abandonment, although he may also be a negligent, in whose situation we would be talking about a person who evades his paternal-spousal responsibilities, through work, television, the alcohol or any deviation that occupies your attention; therefore, a father who partially or totally abandons his emotional obligations. In the same way it can be a father dictator (We will see later) that mistreats his wife and children and consequently reinforces the role of victim or girl's wife. In this situation, the mother perceives her as threatening to her children and instinctively overprotects them, for pity of the "physical or emotional abuse"; wrapped in a circle of defense-attack, because when the mother defends the children more, the father more jealousy, envy, anger and resentment accumulates against her sons.Related tests
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