Expressing thoughts and emotions with assertiveness

Expressing thoughts and emotions with assertiveness

exist three styles of communicating with people, each of them impacts differently on our human relationships and on ourselves.


  • 1 Passive communication or behavior
  • 2 Communication or aggressive behavior
  • 3 Communication or assertive behavior

Communication or passive behavior

It is a communication style of people who avoid showing their feelings or thoughts by fear of being rejected or misunderstood or of offending other people.

They undervalue their own opinions and needs and give superior value to those of others.

They do not defend their interests, they do what they say regardless of what they think.


  • Irritation, resentment,
  • Low self-esteem,
  • Pity,
  • Dislike,
  • Insecurity in what to do and what to say.
  • They feel it is necessary to be loved by everyone.
  • Constant feeling of being misunderstood, manipulated and disregarded.
  • There are feelings of helplessness, guilt, anxiety and frustration.
  • Loss of self-esteem / loss of appreciation and / or lack of respect from others.


Your friend takes three times to leave you planted in the place they had left to see each other for coffee, every time, she doesn't let you know in time that she won't be able to arrive, after the time they were left to see each other, she sends you a message, to apologize ... You, you end up telling him, that there is no problem ... but inside you are left with discomfort.

Communication or aggressive behavior

This communication style is situated in a plane opposite to passivity, characterized by the overvaluation of personal opinions and feelings, bypassing or even despising those of others.

They think that if they don't behave like that, they are too vulnerable.

They place behavior patterns in terms of winning lose.

They think that there are people who deserve to be punished, that their voice and opinions are not worth it.

Fight, accuse, interrupt, threaten, attack others regardless of their feelings. Tendency to counterattack.


  • Tension,
  • Out of control
  • Feel guilty,
  • Bad self image,
  • Loneliness,
  • Hurt other people,
  • Frustration.
  • It causes resentment of other people.


A woman asks her husband to help her put the dishes on the table, because they wait for dinner guests, the husband willing to help his wife, helps him put the dishes ... when suddenly, he drops a plate, the enraged wife tells him, you are a clumsy one, you are never careful !!

Communication or assertive behavior

Now, let's talk about assertiveness, the most favorable and healthy communication style, for you and to establish more constructive and healthy relationships with other people.

Assertiveness is a communicational behavior in which the person neither aggravates nor submits to the will of other people, but expresses their convictions and defends their rights.

It is a category of communication linked to high self-esteem and that can be learned as part of a broad process of emotional development. It is defined as a form of conscious, congruent, clear, direct and balanced expression, whose purpose is to communicate our ideas and feelings or defend our legitimate rights without the intention of hurting, acting from an internal state of self-confidence, instead of the typical limiting emotionality of anxiety, guilt or anger.

Assertiveness prevents us from being manipulated by others in any aspect in addition to valuing and respecting each other.

We all have the right to be treated with courtesy and respect.

When we defend our rights we respect ourselves and obtain the respect of others.

When we do what is right for us, we feel better with ourselves and have a more authentic and satisfying relationship with other people as well.

By sacrificing our rights, we are training other people to treat us incorrectly.

We will earn a lot from life if we are free and able to defend our rights while enhancing the same rights in other people. We have the right to express ourselves while we do not violate the rights of other people. If we don't tell others how their behavior affects us, we are denying them the opportunity to change.

Everyone benefits from assertive behavior.

Assertiveness Examples

  • I feel upset and sometimes resentful when criticizing me in public. I would like the comments to be told to me in private. ”
  • I feel terrible that you criticize me continuously in front of the whole group because it seems that you don't like anything I do, I would like you to tell me alone what you think. ”
  • I perceive, I feel that when I am talking to you, you prefer to pay attention to other things, I would like you to pay attention to me when I speak to you.
  • I need and you would help me a lot if you collaborate with me in the housework.
  • I like it when you listen to me carefully.


  • Tranquility,
  • Security in us,
  • Self-confidence,
  • Good self-esteem
  • Healthy relationships
  • Respect

You may be interested: What is assertive communication?