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Can you learn to love?

Can you learn to love?

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Can we educate and educate each other in love? Is it possible to make love be born in ourselves and in the other? Can we develop and foster love, just as we do with intelligence? Love is something that cannot be taught with formulas. But we can create the necessary conditions to be born in the other.

Knowing some facets of the nature of love is important for create an adequate climate in the couple that facilitates the growth and development of love.

Trying to define love is an idea as artificial and illusory as trying to enclose the wind in our hand or trying to empty the ocean with the help of a bucket. And yet, man has always tried to define love.

The theme of love is found in all mythologies. Love has run rivers of ink throughout history. It has been written that love consists in sublimate sexual energy. It has also been said that it is the tendency to desire the good of the other. Eternal disquisitions have been made about the boundaries between love, charity and eroticism.


  • 1 Love and be loved
  • 2 Love is a feeling
  • 3 Love without possessing
  • 4 Wake up love in each other
  • 5 Love is free
  • 6 Love makes us vulnerable
  • 7 Love does not guarantee happiness
  • 8 Love transforms us
  • 9 Love yourself so you can love others
  • 10 Distance and proximity of the other
  • 11 Preserve your own life to share it
  • 12 Respect for the loneliness of the other

Love and be loved

Despite all the love it is still a great mystery. We have all asked ourselves: do you love me? How do you love me? Do I love you? If I were truly in love, would I behave like this? This relentless search for answers is rarely fully satisfied.

The need to be loved is a primary need of the human species, particularly in the child. This need has to be filled so that other needs appear, such as the need to love. Being loved and loving are two concepts that are very close, but the priority lies in the need to be loved, especially in the child.

Who has never been loved can be all his life looking for an answer to this need. You can do it in the form of innumerable sexual adventures. He can also cling desperately to everyone he finds in his path. Concerned about this need, these people forget to develop their own resources and skills. To love it is necessary to love each other; to love one must be, or have been, loved.

Love is a feeling

There is no doubt that love is primarily a feeling. Love is an emotion that we detect by our own knowledge and that we express through gestures and actions. But love is not really knowledge or gestures or actions. You don't love because flowers are given away. We love and give flowers. The flowers one offers are the manifestation of a feeling: his love.

Love is subjective and inner. There are some people who deny love because it cannot be measured how the amount of glucose in the blood is measured. Denying the existence of love is the same as killing him. Other people disfigure love by trying to quantify it according to the number of sexual intercourse, money spent or gifts obtained.

Love without owning

Our love requires both our own freedom and that of our partner, in order to develop. It is important that we leave the other free and even encourage him to free himself. Thus we can better appreciate his individuality, his originality, which makes him a unique being. We all need, therefore, to feel free so that our love is constantly strengthened and revitalized.

When one loves to possess and treasure, to hang on to the other, love is gradually being killed. Actually, it seems that Many people have some difficulty in differentiating between "loving" and "having." They think that loving is having the other, possessing it exclusively. This tendency usually comes from our insecurity against the risk of losing the other. Now, he who truly loves cannot lose anything, since nothing possesses.

Wake up love in each other

To awaken love in the other, it is first necessary to induce him to love himself. Only when you love yourself can you love others. Now, the main condition for one to love oneself is to feel loved. We are faced with a universal experience: The love we receive from the other revalues, in a way, our own qualities and inner wealth.

Love is something that cannot be taught in the same way that mathematics or chemistry is taught. Love cannot be explained by formulas. But nevertheless, we can create the necessary conditions for love to be born and develop in the other.

Thus, the more we instill in the other the respect for his own person, his inner wealth and his humanity, the more we will be encouraging him to love himself and the more we favor his love for others being born in him. By being interested in the wealth of others, he attracts his love.

Conversely, who distrusts himself pushes the other to distrust others. If he cannot trust himself, he cannot trust others. For love to be born in us, it must overcome distrust in others.

Love is free

Love is like breathing: autonomous, spontaneous and constant. It is a rhythmic and pendular movement, between oneself and the other. In this context it is important to favor the expression of your own emotions in the other.

Regardless of loving or being loved, love is something that is not bought. Love is free and this quality makes it so beautiful. Likewise, love is, at every moment of its existence, a new and surprising creation.

Indeed, we all know that love is neither bought nor sold. It is free and spontaneous. However, every time we fall in love, we are surprised and amazed to see this fact again.

To maintain love you have to take care of their spontaneity. A restrained or contained love, weakens and eventually withers. Rigidity is a lethal toxin for love.

Love makes us vulnerable

To love is, in a way, to surrender to the other. When we open to the other, we become sensitive and vulnerable. The other can enter into us to enrich it, but it can also hurt us deeply. From this quality of openness towards the other, another consequence follows: the possibility of changing, developing and improving. This may collide with our need for stability, for permanence, to remain the same. In summary: the encounter of one love with another usually leads to the possibility of being transformed, and that is sometimes scary.

Love does not guarantee happiness

If we take a look at literary history, we are surprised to see how often writers and poets lament that there is no happy love. Is love necessarily miserable?

It seems that the main reason for the misfortune of some loves lies precisely in the fact of seeking happiness in them. People who think that only in love can they find happiness, they despair by not finding it and it sinks into sadness.

They don't realize that happiness is something that comes and goes. Dedicating to it all our energies only serves to poison our existence, since one has to continue living with or without happiness. Many men and women aspire to the utopia of total and perfect happiness, consuming in this dream all their energies.

All loves, in varying degrees, imply some suffering. In the face of this suffering, there are those who reject love or control themselves so as not to love too much. It is a deceptive solution, because they can avoid suffering, but also all the joy that accompanies love.

Suffering in love has several sources: That the other person does not correspond to your love, or even reject it after accepting it. Pain may also be the result of inability to express to the other the love we feel, for fear of being rejected.

Love transforms us

Although there are generalities, humans live love in many different ways. Not everyone has the same capacity to love. Some love passionately, others cautiously. There are those capable of loving several people, while others only love one. These particularities do not depend solely on different affectivities, but on all personality dimensions.

When a person begins to truly love, it is as if the pleasure of loving invades all his consciousness. His love transforms and alters all his perceptions. He is kinder to those around him, savor and enjoy nature, is able to perceive what was previously unnoticed. He radiates and gives off his love and happiness to all those around him.

Loving oneself in order to love others

An important condition for its emergence love for oneself is that we value what we are and what we can become. We must love our body and our life, our ideas, our fantasies, our decisions and everything that has to do with us.

This does not mean that we should stagnate and become unalterable. We can always change what we like least about ourselves, improving and developing it. However, we must be realistic and accept that there will be things that we cannot change. Accepting the qualities that we cannot change is also a way of loving ourselves.Well, we won't waste energy fighting uselessly against what we don't like.

Getting to know oneself is not achieved overnight. Knowing our improvable points and accepting the inevitable is a long and sometimes risky road. For one to get to know oneself, it is necessary to accept in advance what one risks to discover.

Distance and proximity of the other

In love, however paradoxical it may seem, a certain distance must be kept with respect to the other. When we are stuck to each other for too long there comes a time when we no longer see it and we are not able to contemplate it.

A popular saying goes: "Those who sleep on the same mattress become the same condition." This and other sayings express that two beings who love each other are one heart, one body and one spirit. They express a facet of love, a tendency to identify with the loved one and become one.

When this happens in an exaggerated way, we assume the risk that our love will make us lose our own identity. We could say then that excess love kills love. In reality, it is the absence of a minimum safety distance, which ends with love and our identity.

Preserve one's life to share it

It is sometimes said that there is no greater proof of love than that of giving one's life for those loved. However, it would be better to say that he who loves should rather protect his life for himself and for those he loves.

Your loved ones deserve to continue living and developing your life. In this way the benefit they can get from it will be even greater. The beloved person deserves that we live our lives to the fullest in order to love him more and better. This means developing our life, protecting it, making it fruitful and sharing it.

Respect for the loneliness of the other

The loneliness of one of the members of the couple, can cause alterations in their relationship. Sometimes the beloved person needs loneliness for different reasons, for being sad, to reflect or just to be alone.

There are people who do not accept this right to the loneliness of the other. They consider their constant presence to be an act of love. It is clear that a certain dose of presence is necessary in every relationship, but flooding the other with our continuous presence is proof of our lack of trust in him and his own resources.

This need for omnipresence often hides our own need to be important and essential.


Learning to love the other, begins by loving ourselves, by respecting a series of rules and creating a fruitful environment for love. Love is such a precious asset that any effort we make to improve it will always be welcome.

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