It is necessary to accept that things end andthat you have to keep going to stay happy. Anonymous
We all have the need to love and be loved. Within the nature of the human being there are invisible bonds that unite or separate people, such is the case of love and heartbreak.
- 1 Life and love
- 2 The starting point of departure
- 3 Rescue Strategies
Life and love
Life is composed of cycles: day and night, life or death.
The duality of love and heartbreak is present in films that make us cry or sigh, where after a series of great obstacles, lovers renounce or leave their differences behind and end up: "living happily ever after".
We are not aware, but The first lessons to live as a couple, come from the quality of the emotional relationships observed in our parents.
The interactions: affection, rejection, social contact, communication, intimacy, respect, trust or distrust, and more, lay the foundations of what our own life as a couple will be in the future. We call that; family imprint and repetition compulsion. That is why, it is essential to know our own past and of being loved, through the emotional life of our parents.
Without being philosophers, sooner or later we ask ourselves some essential questions in life:
- Who am I ?: They are the personality traits that define and differentiate us from others.
- Where do I go ?: It is the trade or profession we choose in the workplace.
- Who am I going with ?: It corresponds to living with a partner.
These questions are like the foundations of a house, if the first one is resolved we move on to the second one and so on. If they are not resolved, it is more complicated to try to solve who are we going with? If our personality is moderately uncertain.
If we see it from a logical perspective, there is an antecedent and a consequent to measure the quality of the love relationship. We say "what is wrong, starts badly ends". However, 95% of our behaviors and thoughts are unconscious, so that in the psychological choice of a couple most of the time we go almost blind.
On the other hand, we need to consider that life is a process and the relationship also. And this process is full of compatible and incompatible aspects.
In such a way that in order to understand if a relationship is about to end or can still be rescued, it is important to consider the positive or negative origin of it, and the wear suffered during the time. In the same way, if there are coping strategies in solving problems.
A couple crisis could end in the dissolution of the love bond, but also as incredible as it may seem, it may be the springboard that drives them to reissue their relationship. Loving oneself is not enough and it is better to look towards the same destiny than to contemplate lovingly on each other. Although there are many generalities, each relationship is unique, this is called "singularity" and we need to understand each case in that singularity.
The starting point of departure
When we begin this great journey, we can become aware of the other, which can serve as a way of preventing not immediately falling into an addiction towards the couple. If we don't have that care: The brain becomes addicted to the couple, it is like having an obsessive compulsive disorder.
Positive and negative considerations of the initial crush:
- You think you've found the love of your life (The myth of the half orange)
- You idealize your partner.
- You neglect your friends because you are only and exclusively with your partner.
- Your partner is exclusivity and priority.
- It is your soulmate.
- You have the need for a couple not to be alone.
- You choose to be accompanied regardless of the price to pay.
- You think it's better to have a company so you don't feel bored.
- You need to fulfill the social role of having a partner.
- Being in love makes you blindly trust your partner.
- They are just about to start and there are already scenes of jealousy.
- They give you an attachment crisis and you do not tolerate that they move away from you.
- You justify their mistakes or rudeness with you or with others.
- You suffer from cognitive distortions: maximization / minimization
- At the beginning you perceive it as: someone cheerful and in wear becomes a drunk. At the beginning it is homey and in a conflict situation it is weak.
- You ignore the alarm signals
- Your partner subtracts instead of adding.
- Get the worst out of you.
- You become a rescuer of the poor or of the victims.
In the wear you perceive that the relationship is about to end and you have any of the following signs:
- You only feel affection, but no longer love.
- You feel sexual attraction, but you no longer like to share with your partner.
- You don't feel attraction just attachment.
- You feel that you lost your own identity.
- You don't like your friends and family.
- You feel sorry for your partner and blame if you make the decision to separate.
- His ex appeared or they continue to frequent as if they were great friends.
- Former friends or former affectionate friends of the past appeared.
- Intimate contact is very little or almost nothing.
- They almost do not kiss or hug and when they do it is very superficial: ultra fast kiss, dead or flat no longer exists. (THIS APPEARANCE IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT PREACHERS TO KNOW IF THEY SEPARATE OR NOT).
- Communication has become distorted and almost everything is misunderstood.
- They do not say goodbye or greet each other when they arrive on the street.
- Each one goes to bed at different times, for not coinciding or for having other activities.
- Often they sleep already separated, the emotional divorce is presented before the physical one.
- We spent stalking the couple's networks, just to generate more conflict.
- The trust was broken.
- It does not count the opinion of the other, nor interest us.
- It is more the time of conflict, than that of healthy coexistence: long silences, shouts, insults or even blows.
- Only the couple is interested in the economic well-being provided by the other, and this makes it more like rumis.
- In the count, there is more dissatisfaction than happiness.
- The moments of pleasure or satisfaction are becoming less or less.
- Unhappiness is a normalized state.
- Close the pending emotional cycles: heal the past of the relationship.
- Having the conscience of both wanting to rescue the relationship.
- Become aware of the mistakes in the relationship.
- Allow yourself to experience new things in the relationship.
- Stop living in the past.
- Practice forgiveness.
- Recognize the positive things the couple has.
- Readjust the expectations of the couple and their own.
- Promote exclusive living spaces of the couple.
- Break the routine or domesticity (go to the supermarket, wash, take care of the children, etc.).
- Plan an erotic intelligence strategy if this area is worn.
- Reinvent yourself.
- To go to a professional help, being necessary that both agree.
6 signs that predict divorce in the couple
Tips for couples in conflict