Albert Ellis (1913-2007), was an American cognitive psychotherapist who from 1955 developed Rational Behavioral Emotional Therapy (TREC). He became considered the second of the most influential psychotherapists in history, even ahead of Sigmund Freud.
Famous quotes by Albert Ellis
Everyone has the capacity to change themselves.
The best years of your life are those in which you decide that your problems are only yours. It is not your mother's fault, ecology, or the president. One thus realizes the control of his own destiny.
We teach people to harm themselves. We can't change the past, so let's change how people think, feel and behave today.
In spite of everything, injustice has its good points. It offers me the challenge of being as happy as I can in an unfair world.
The art of love ... It is largely the art of persistence.
You feel mainly the way you think.
The attitude of unconditional self-acceptance is probably the most important variable in its long-term recovery.
All love is true in those who feel it, because they feel it.
Acceptance is not love. You love a person because he or she has adorable traits, but everyone is accepted just because they are alive and human.
People have motives and thoughts that they are not aware of.
Even when people act unpleasantly towards you, do not condemn them or retaliate.
There are three monsters that do not allow us to move forward: I have to do it well, you have to treat me well, and the world must be easy.
People and things do not bother us. On the contrary, we bother to believe that they can bother us.
Whatever it is, I am still largely the creator and ruler of my emotional destiny.
You just have to exist as you do and live your life the best you can.
I teach people to be flexible, scientific and logical in their thoughts and, therefore, to be less prone to brainwashing by the therapist.
When a person faces adversity or a major problem, they solve it if they approach it creatively.
When people change their irrational beliefs for flexible non-dogmatic preferences, they become less disturbed.
Convince yourself that worrying about many situations will make them worse instead of better.
The emotionally mature person must fully accept the fact that we live in a world of probabilities and chance, where there is not, and probably never will be, absolute certainties, and must realize that it is not at all horrible.
Happiness is largely experienced in the pursuit of a goal, not in the achievement of things, because our nature is always to want to move on to the next task.
To err is human; To forgive people and yourself for bad behavior is to be sensible and realistic.
Life is really difficult, partly because of the real difficulties we have to overcome in order to survive, and partly because of our own innate desire to always do better, to overcome new challenges, to achieve self-realization.
I believe that the future of psychotherapy and psychology are in the school system. We have to teach all children how it rarely seriously bothers itself and how to overcome disturbances when they occur.
If Martians ever find out how we humans think, they would die of laughter.
Self-esteem is the biggest disease known to man or woman because it is conditional.
In fact, most of what we call anxiety is an excessive concern about what someone thinks of you.
When I began to become disillusioned with psychoanalysis, I read the philosophy again and remembered the constructivist notion that Epictetus had proposed 2,000 years ago: "People are not disturbed by the events that happen to them, but by their vision of them." I could see how that applied to many of my clients.
Failure has nothing to do with your intrinsic value as a person.
Stop the duty in yourself.
One of the most common costs of anger, probably the highest of all, is the damage it causes to our personal relationships. Interestingly, the relationships that are damaged are usually the best we have.
The emotions that undermine our main goals and purposes in life are destructive and irrational. They are, fundamentally: depression, excessive anxiety, excessive anger and pronounced guilt.
Love is a human emotion that we perceive as "good," "beneficial," or "pleasant." An intense bond between two or more people. Frequently, but not necessarily, it includes sexual attraction among lovers.
Actually, we can put the essence of neurosis in one word: blaming it, or condemning it.
The feeling of love is intermittent because we need to feel and concentrate on other activities and functions. Obsessive and permanent love would prevent us from functioning effectively. We would need psychotherapy!
A free and pleasant sexuality can bring to our lives a good amount of harmless enjoyment and pleasure.
You largely built your depression. It was not given to you. Therefore, you can deconstruct it.
Anxiety occurs when people are required to do everything right and feel that they do not have enough value as human beings if they do not. We should give up the ambition to live a perfect life and realize that we always tend to act imperfectly, because we are fallible as human beings, and we can accept ourselves with those imperfections.
The problem with most therapy is that it helps you feel better. But no improvements. You have to back it up with action, action, action.
Self-defense is not always aggressive and self-destructive, but often implies that people do not accept the fact that they are doing something wrong that is harmful to others, and protect themselves from this belief. If they assumed this belief and fully accepted themselves, if they accepted more unconditionally, they would reduce that level of being defensive.
Be assertive It does not mean attacking or ignoring the feelings of others. It means that you are willing to defend yourself fairly, without attacking others.
You never really need what you want. That is the main and profound key to serenity.
Thinking rationally is often different from "positive thinking," in the sense that it is a realistic assessment of the situation, with a view to rectifying the problem if possible.
The cost of provoking feelings of panic, anger or self-pity is enormous. In time and money lost. In effort wasted unnecessarily, In mental distress out of place. In sabotaging the happiness of others. In the stupid waste of potential pleasure throughout the one life - yes, the only life - you will ever have.
In a culture like ours it is usual to marry for love, but sometimes it is also done for other reasons, economic, social or fear of loneliness. And it is clear that you can love many more people in a lifetime than those you marry.
By honestly acknowledging our past mistakes, but never condemning ourselves for them, we can learn to use this past for our own future benefit.
We have a tendency to install self-destructive habits, largely also because we learn it from our parents and our culture. Therefore, they tend to be stronger and harder to uproot than more positive and healthier beliefs.
Emotional literacy and tolerance can be achieved by giving other people the right to make mistakes, even when you disagree with them, but without rejecting them or despising them as human beings for behaving in that way.
Our main erogenous zone is in our brain and our way of thinking. If we allow ourselves to think that whatever we do is right, even if it is not the best in the world, then we can face our sexuality and have healthy and satisfying relationships.
It is rare and nothing normal for a person not to feel sexual attraction to other people, even when in love with one. Human sexual desires are deeply rooted in biological impulses in social learning. They are often promiscuous and indiscriminate.
Famous phrases of psychology