Attachment and relationship forms

Attachment and relationship forms

Attachment and early experiences have a decisive influence on the personality of the adult

The forms of relationship that adults maintain represent repetitions of primary relationships, reflect the bonds created.

For Bowlby (the first psychiatrist to use the term attachment), represents the search for proximity with the mother or caregiver, producing intense distress in the face of separation.

The absolute dependence that occurs at birth is diminishing, but the attachment (the search for proximity with the other) is maintained throughout life. It is important, therefore, to differentiate dependence from attachment.

The way to perform that search of the other differs in each person. Already in childhood a form of relationship with the other is established.

Types of attachment

There are four types of attachment:

Secure attachment

Babies actively explore while alone with the attachment figure, and can visibly become restless when they are separated from it. Often the baby greets the attachment figure with affection when he returns, and if he is very restless, he will try to come into physical contact with her. These babies are sociable with strangers while the mother is present.

Ambivalent attachment

Babies try to stay close to the attachment figure and explore very little while she is present. They are very anxious when she leaves, but when her reaction returns she is ambivalent: she remains close to her, but they can resist physical contact with her by being annoyed about abandonment. They are extremely cautious with strangers, even in the presence of the attachment figure.

Avoidance Attachment

They express little discomfort when they are separated from the attachment figure and generally shy away from it when they return even if they try to gain their attention. They are usually sociable with strangers but can ignore them in the same way they avoid their attachment figure when they return.

Disorganized / disoriented attachment

It is a combination of patterns of resistant attachment and evasive attachment. The baby may be confused by standing still or approaching and then abruptly moving away as the attachment figure approaches.

Just as infants escape from alarming situations or objects seeking safety in a person or object / situation, adults also react seeking that security in situations they understand as dangerous. The anguish before the loss or the separation, occurs in the humans by the fact of being it, since we are linked. We are social beings.

According to Melanie Klein, early experiences of frustration and gratification play a fundamental role in the child's internal dynamics. According to Klein there are several types of anguish (positions), one characterized by the fear of persecution, to be attacked or damaged and another characterized by the fear of loss and guilt.

This, both one and another form of anguish is in relation to the other, because they harm us or harm them or lose them.

The roles of caregiver and care

The forms of relationship according to the complementary roles incorporated, respond to forms of relationship, that is, if a person behaves as CARER in another like WATCH OUT.





















The vast majority of relational operations that we have acquired are established as social habits are formed. The review of our interpersonal relationships in order to transform them into health and healthy love ties is essential.

Become aware of the way we interact with other people, and in turn, to the way in which our first years of life marked us.

However, being aware involves mobilizing past emotions and feelings related to our dysfunctional bonds. It is very likely that, when we feel trapped or threatened, we will influence old patterns that we have been continuously exercising since our childhood.

Psychologist Itxaso Martínez Cubillos