We have all heard that we must get rid of toxic relationships, think more positively, eliminate negativity, have self-confidence and believe in ourselves, even stop being afraid to be happy and succeed.
All this is true and sounds great, but in reality it can be very difficult to achieve if we don't even know where to start.
But all these great tips can make us feel overwhelmed and even more depressed when we think that the problems around us do not cease. We feel like we can never become happy or feel good. We believe that our life is beyond our control and that we cannot do anything to solve it.
Negative emotions and low self-esteem
If we feel depressed, anxious, angry or surrounded by toxic individuals, we are likely to have thoughts with deeply rooted dysfunctional patterns, beliefs and habits that we don't even consider.
These patterns and thoughts are what keep us trapped in unhappiness. No medicine can solve these, these are things that must be learned again or unlearned. Most likely, all these patterns come to us from the first experiences with other people and from our learning. Surely we never learned other ways of thinking that would give us greater emotional balance. Sometimes our parents have failed to do better.
The first step in overcoming any of these emotional difficulties is understand its roots. In the case of depression, for example, we might ask ourselves, where does it come from? When do we get depressed for the first time? How are we processing it? Until we ask ourselves these questions, we will not get the answers and we may not be able to pay the necessary attention to our personal history.
Normally low self-esteem in childhood is the biggest culprit of emotional problems in adulthood. Low self-esteem affects our ability to achieve or make good decisions for ourselves and for what can lead to depression.
If we don't trust ourselves, making decisions that affect our lives becomes much more difficult. We can then let others choose for us or choose what seems easier to us, for fear of not being able to handle ourselves well in a situation or job.
If we are deceived, betrayed or abandoned, we will also be more likely to develop problems of self-confidence, since we might believe that we do not matter and that these painful experiences will be repeated over and over again. We can also develop unhealthy forms of behavior in a relationship by becoming dependent on others.
We can believe that we deserve nothing better. Or that only lucky people succeed or happy. There are many ways in which such thoughts can appear, these are just a few examples.
In the same way that we can learn to drive on the right side of the road, because it is the way we drive in our country, if we travel to another country we might have to learn to do it on the left lane. We all understand the concept of having to learn this new way of driving in order to survive. However, when it comes to our emotional well-being, many of us before the idea that we should learn something new or that in some different way, we find it very uphill or almost impossible to achieve. We think that emotional ills cannot be corrected with just the new information, or that we should take years of therapy and medication to achieve our goal, that we are really of that because of a genetic disorder or imbalance of the brain.
The answer is no, most emotional evils do not come from genetics or permanent imbalances. Numerous research reveals that psychological therapies provide relief with less chance of relapse. Once the tools necessary to overcome emotional ills are learned, they can be used throughout life.
By eliminating dysfunctional thinking patterns and beliefs, and putting in place the right tools, the following benefits can be achieved:
- Improves mood and sense of well-being
- Greater enthusiasm in life.
- Decreased symptoms or relief of depression and anxiety.
- Troubleshooting chronic anger.
- Improvement in current relationships.
- The ability to attract, select and maintain healthy relationships.
- More success in whatever you decide to undertake.
- Parenting free from dysfunctional patterns that will interfere with your success and happiness.
Are not these things that we all want to have for ourselves?
We were not designed to be miserableThere are things that happen along the way that interfere with our happiness, mental health and success, but you can learn to deal with them better.