Maybe you think that you have a "real problem" that stresses you, worries or bothers and that in order to feel happy this situation has to change. But what would you think if I told you that there are no "real" problems and that the only problem you have to deal with is your thoughts about what you are living?
Let's look at this situation. Someone loses their job and thinks it is a serious problem, suffers from it and imagines the worst scenarios. Another person loses his job and thinks it is a good opportunity to do what he really likes, to rest and even to change course. The two people are living exactly the same situation, they have lost their jobs, one sees it as a problem, the other as an opportunity ...
So how can losing work be the "real problem"? If it were, all people who lose their jobs should feel equally stressed and it is not. Actually the only problem is in your mind, in all those horror stories you tell yourself, what losing your job means. These stories are not real and prevent you from thinking clearly and seeing the possibilities that are presented in front of you.
It is very good news to know (or at least open up to the possibility) that nothing external has the real capacity to affect you, since as you may have seen, it is not in your hands to change the outside world. Only when you discover that the real cause of your suffering is your thoughts can you put your energy in the right direction and work on the only thing you can control, your inner world.
Question your thoughts and get rid of stress
And now that you know that the source of your problems is your thoughts, you may wonder how can I deal with them?
Byron Katie, author of the best seller "Loving What Is" tells us that when we believe our thoughts we suffer and when we question them we stop suffering. And it presents us with 4 questions that you can start using immediately to question any stressful concept in your life. A very simple process that has already helped thousands of people.
Ask yourself the following questions
Locate the thought that is stressing you the most right now and answer these questions as if it were a meditation, take your time, let the answers arise from the heart.
As an example we will use the thought "He doesn't pay attention to me".
- Is that true?
Is it true that "he doesn't pay attention to you"? The answer must be a simple yes or no. If the answer is no, go to question 3 directly.
- Can you know that it is true with absolute certainty?
Can you know that it is true with absolute certainty that he doesn't pay attention to you? That even if I don't look at you, isn't he listening to you? That he doesn't pay attention to you because he doesn't show it? Again the answer, to be simply yes or no.
- How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
How does it make you feel that he doesn't pay attention to you? How do you treat him when you think he doesn't pay attention to you? How does this thought make you feel both physically and emotionally?
- Who would you be without thinking? You don't have to fight with thought, just perceive how you would live your life if you didn't believe that thought. How would you treat him if you didn't have this thought.
The next part of the process is to reverse the thoughts as follows:
- Reverse it to the opposite (180 ° inversion): "He does pay attention to me." Stay still and notice all the feelings that appear in this regard. The mere idea of confronting this and looking directly at it often requires courage, but the results are worth it. When the mind opens, you begin to find examples where he does pay attention to you, allows you to see others with different eyes, to recognize things that sometimes we do not see. It is open to the possibility that things are not as we have been thinking.
- Reverse it to the other: Find examples where you don't pay attention to him. Notice how sometimes what we want others to do is not easy for us to do.
- Reverse it to yourself: "I don't pay attention." And this is perhaps the deepest investment of all, the one that will help you see how you have not been paying attention to yourself in many aspects of your life. And when you see this, you can see how to expect him to pay attention to you, if you don't do it yourself? And thanks to this you can start making the necessary amendments with you.
Finally, what bothered you in the other person leads you to discover things about yourself that you would not have seen otherwise. The other person becomes your mirror and a great gift.
About the author: Sandra Iozzelli specializes in helping others reduce the stress, negativity, fear and mental barriers of their lives.
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