- 1 In front of the mirror
- 2 What is a charismatic personality?
- 3 From insecurity to security
In front of the mirror
Inside of attraction psychology One of the aspects that we can work on and optimize is that of our own personality. Basically because having a strong, charismatic and attractive personality depends on us. Yes, there are certain inherited personality characteristics, such as the tendency to be more extraverted or introverted, or to be more emotional or rational. But they are exactly that, behavioral tendencies and we can enhance their good part and diminish their influence if it ever harms us. Being taller does not depend on us ... but having a bright and agile sense of humor does, for example.
What is a charismatic personality?
The one that causes other people to feel better with us than without us, which attracts them and makes us turn out to be someone more attractive. This is the consequence of another even more important fact: a charismatic person is because he is comfortable with himself, in his own skin. It does not do things to attract others per se, if not because it's ok. He likes how he is basically and there is no one who makes us feel more comfortable than someone who is well with his own being. Remember that in most cases when someone has an argument with us, or does not treat us with respect, it rarely has to do with our person, if not with their own internal problems, with their own fears. The more charismatic someone is, the less internal black spots they have, as a general rule.
All right, How can we develop this charismatic personality? There are people who seem to have always been like this. However, even if someone seems to us that this is an inherited trait, you can learn to develop charisma, like any other skill. We will return to this topic in another article. Now, how do we start? The same as to follow a diet we weigh ourselves or to start a savings plan we see how much money we have, in our case we will start with a sincere and realistic evaluation of ourselves. That is, we will put ourselves metaphorically and literally in front of the mirror. We will think about how we are and start by accepting ourselves unconditionally. We will not need the protective mask or shell here, we will be looking at ourselves and giving ourselves a kind look. Have we really "seen" each other yet? Now we can begin the process of changing ...
From insecurity to security
I remember in one past psychology course of attraction to one of the students with a fairly common problem. She commented that in social situations she always felt very nervous and therefore crushed, feeling the eyes of others on her in a scrutinizing way. I described that feeling, literally, "as if a huge luminous sign was on me, fixing everyone else's attention" ... she had no remotely any mental disorder that caused that illusion; It simply exemplifies how strong that sense of insecurity can be in front of other people.
Insecurity is the result of worrying too much about what others will think. The rest of the people are important to all of us, how they perceive us and feel loved, respected and valued. However, this legitimate desire cannot become a basic and essential necessity; There are some people specialized in criticizing the rest and we must be prepared for when we run into them. People who easily disapprove of others tend to consciously and constantly control everything they do or say, inhibiting the spontaneity so typical of charismatic individuals.
The others will accept you when you accept yourself. Working hard to feel good about ourselvesOnly then will we gain confidence in what we can do and feel less anxious to gain acceptance from the other. You will no longer worry about what they may think of you and you can be free to concentrate on other people, not exclusively on yourself. When you devote all your attention to listening and understanding others, you will see that their behavior undergoes a noticeable change. The people who interest us most are those who show interest in us. Your interest in the wishes and needs of others will favor the creation of your personal charm: The better you know what motivates others, the more easily you can attract them and maintain that attraction.
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