Surely you've heard of thetoxic relationships, truth? But it is seldom clear to us what exactly they are, what their characteristics are and (most importantly) how to avoid them. Today, we tell you everything so you know how to recognize them.
- 1 What is a toxic relationship?
- 2 Indicative signs that you are in a toxic relationship
- 3 Types of toxic relationships
- 4 How to avoid such a relationship?
What is a toxic relationship?
A toxic relationship is that relationship in which one of the two parties, despite loving (or something similar) to the other person, it hurts him constantly, due to the development of certain dangerous dynamics, which rub or may cross the line of psychological abuse.
The worst of toxic relationships is that, on many occasions, the person who is immersed in that relationship is not aware that they are experiencing abuse by their partner. And, as the saying goes: Love is blind. Love clouds our judgment and we get to forgive practically anything.
In fact, as in abuse, It is very common for the victim to end up normalizing the toxic attitudes of their partner. Even when the victim's friends and family warn him that what he is tolerating is not normal.
To all this, an additional point could be added, and that certain toxic and dangerous attitudes are romanticized. In music we can find a huge amount of songs that talk about “if I can't be with you I prefer to die”, which They may seem very pretty, but they actually spread a very dangerous message.
Therefore, it is convenient to know the limits of what is romanticism and passion and when it begins to enter the field of toxicity and abuse.
Indicative signs that you are in a toxic relationship
Here are some of the main signs that will help you determine if you are having a toxic relationship:
- He doesn't like you to be with your friends.
- Control your expenses.
- Research your social networks and try to check your mobile.
- Plan your life without asking for your opinion.
- It demands immediate compensation for the favors it does to you.
- It makes you understand (sometimes with absolute clarity) that without him / her you would be nothing.
- He reprimands you or questions you when you are with family or friends and you give your opinion on a subject.
- Use emotional blackmail frequently.
- He is extremely jealous, to the point of prohibiting you from sharing time with people of the opposite sex.
- It is paternalistic.
- Try to influence the way you dress.
- Try to miss your virtues.
- Minimize and ignore the problems you expose.
- Minimize and ignore the interests or ambitions you show.
- When there is an argument, you always have to give in, because, otherwise, you can spend whole days without speaking to yourself.
- He blames you for the problems he has in his working life.
- It constantly reminds you of the mistakes you have made in the past.
- He gets angry when you tell your friends or family your problems (especially if they are related to him).
- Due to the previous point, it is likely that you no longer tell your problems to anyone.
- You avoid discussing certain issues with him because you know he will not react positively.
- He demands you and treats you in bad ways frequently.
- Make decisions that are going to affect you both without asking for your opinion and sometimes without notifying you.
- You have sex with him, even if you don't feel like it, to satisfy him or prevent him from getting angry.
- It makes you blackmail (or, directly, requires you) to carry out sexual practices that you don't like.
- It compares you with previous partners in the sexual plane and it recriminates your behavior.
Types of toxic relationships
As we have said before, there are different types of toxic relationships. Each toxic relationship has its own mechanisms. Below we show the most common ways:
- Control: One of the members bases their relationship on the power and domain over the other.
- Dependence or co-dependence: one or both members of the couple needs the other to achieve a feeling of well-being.
- Idealization: One or both members is unable to accept that the couple or the relationship has any type of defect.
- lie: One or both members base their relationship on deception, either to give a more attractive image or not to enter into discussion.
- Charity: One of the members maintains the relationship only to avoid harming the other.
- Delegation: one of the members yields the weight of all the decisions in the other, being guided by the couple and not taking responsibility for any aspect of the relationship.
- Resentment: One of the members decides to maintain the relationship with a disappointment (for example, an infidelity) but not for that reason forgives him and uses this situation to reproach him frequently.
- Inattention: one or both members gives more attention to any other aspect than to the couple's relationship as such.
How to avoid such a relationship?
The first thing to note is that absolutely we can all have toxic behaviors. In fact, surely, you could have seen yourself reflected in one of the above points (regardless of whether you are male or female).
Do not worry. It is normal. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes like that at some point. However, when enough of the previous points are repeated frequently (or when some of them are very intense), we should start to worry.
In the event that, seeing the list above, you believe that your partner is a toxic person, the steps to follow should be the following:
It is likely that the relationship you have had gradually robbed you of strength and dignity, to the point of feeling that you need it for anything. It is important that you gradually re-empower yourself to be able to stand up to him. The best way to do this is next to point number 2.
Talk with your family and friends
Your family and friends can help you empower you and, in addition, they can help you assess whether your partner is really toxic or not, listen to them.
Talk to him / her
Once you feel strong, you can sit down and talk quietly with your partner. On some occasions, such a talk redirects the relationship to a better port. Do not miss it to avoid confrontations, otherwise only you will be the injured. Of course, talk with respect and as much peace of mind as possible, starting a conversation like this with attacks and recriminations will not make things easier for you. Assertiveness is the key.
Cut the relationship
However, in most cases, it is not possible to change the other's way of acting in the relationship, and the only solution is to end it, since you will not feel better or change anything just by waiting for this happen
As you can see, thetoxic relationships they are something to avoid at all costs, because, otherwise, they may end up making our lives bitter. We hope this article has helped you and that, from now on, you will be able to identify such relationships.